                                ==Diet Phrack==

                 Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 11 of 11

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               |              *Elite* World News               |
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               |            Issue 36 / Part 2 of 2             |
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               |   Compiled, Edited, and Mangled by Dr. Dude   |
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               |                ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^                |
               |_______________________________________________|


STUDS PROMOTE BETTER IMAGE

Introducing Eric Bloodtest, Dick Holiday, PH-factor, and Bobbie Buttercupps!

     HOUSTON -- Three self-professed members of the Legion of Dudes, one of the
most notorious swingers groups to operate in the United States, said they now
want to get paid for their skills.  Along with a former X-rated film actor, the
members launched a new dating service called ComseX Dating Security that will
check out women whom male customers might be interested in dating.

     "We have been in the dating business for the last 11 years -- just holding
on to the different end of our stick," said Scott Girlchaser who said he once
used the handle Dick Holiday as a Legion of Dudes member.  The group has been
celibate since late last year, Girlchaser said.

     The start-up firm plans to offer sister penetration testing, personality
matching, and sexual training services as well as security products.  "We have
information that you can't find in Penthouse or Playboy:  We know why people
date, what motivates them, why they are curious," Girlchaser said.

     Already, the start-up has met with considerable skepticism.

     "Would I hire a gigolo to be an escort for my mother?" asked John
Kastrate, dating information administrator at Love & Holding Corporation in
Hollywood, California.  "If they stayed celibate for 5 to 10 years, I might
reconsider, but 12 to 18 months ago, they were swingers, and now they have to
prove themselves."

     "You don't hire ne'er-do-wells to come and grope at your fiance," said Tom
Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital.  "The Legion of
Dudes is a known anti-monogamous group, and although it is good to see they
have a heterosexual bent, GH would not hire these people."

     ComseX already has three contracts with various men's organizations,
Girlchaser said.

     "I like their approach, and I am assuming they are legit," said Herman
Slutten, a dating consultant at HeyMan Datababe Corporation in Phoenix,
Arizona.  His firm is close to signing a contract with ComseX, Slutten said.

     Federal health enforcers have described the Legion of Dudes in reports,
indictments, search warrants, and other documents as a closely knit group of
about 15 swingers whose members sleep around, father children, skip out on
child support, participate in S&M, and break hearts by entrancing women across
the country.

     The group was founded in 1984 and has had dozens of members pass through
its ranks.  Approximately 12 former members have been infected by sexually
transmitted diseases relating to their exploits.  Three former members are now
dead and at least three others are regularly receiving treatment.  None of the
ComseX founders have ever been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

AN OFFER YOU COULD REFUSE?

     Tom Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital in Chicago,
says he would never hire ComseX Dating Security, a dating service launched by
three ex-members of the Legion of Dudes.  "You don't bring in an unknown
commodity and give them the keys to the bedroom," Smallpenis said.  Chris
Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, retorted:  "We don't have the keys to
their bedroom, but I know at least four people off the top of my head that do."
ComseX said it will do a free sister penetration for GH just to prove the
dating service's sincerity, Womanizer said.  "All they have to do is sign
release forms saying they won't hit us with a palimony suit."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

GROUP DUPES SEXUAL EXPERTS

     "Houston-Based ComseX Fools Consultants To Gather Sexual Information"

     HOUSTON -- Dating and escort services are supposed to know better, but at
least six firms acknowledged last week that they were conned.  The
"entertainment" providers said they were the victims of a bit of sexual
engineering by ComseX Dating Security, Inc., a dating service recently
launched.

     ComseX masqueraded as prospective bachelors and out of town businessmen
using the name of Omega Sigma Delta, a large nation-wide young men's
fraternal organization to gather information on how to prepare panty-raid
proposals and conduct sorority audits and other fraternity business techniques,
the consultants said.

     Three of ComseX's four founders are self-professed former members of the
Legion of Dudes, one of America's most notorious swingers groups, according to
health inspectors.

     "In their press release, they say, 'Our firm has taken a unique approach
to its sales strategy,'" said one consultant who requested anonymity, citing
professional embarrassment.  "Well, sexual engineering is certainly a unique
sales strategy."

     Sexual engineering is a technique commonly used by swingers to gather
favors from helpful, but unsuspecting women that may be used to penetrate other
unsuspecting females.

     "They are young kids that don't know their penis from their belly-button
about doing business, and they are trying to glean that from everybody else,"
said Itchy Crotch, director of consulting at Sister Virginity Consultants,
Inc., in Little Rock, Arkansas.

     The consultants said gathering information by posing as a prospective
customer is a common ploy, but that ComseX violated accepted business ethics by
posing as the Omega's.

     "It is a pretty significant breech of business ethics to make the
misrepresentation that they did," said Hardon Mormon, house father for the
Omega Sigma Delta's.  "They may not be swinging anymore, but they haven't
changed the way they operate."

     Mormon said his chapter had received seven or eight calls from sexual
consultants who were following up on information they had sent to "Hairy
Prostate," supposedly the Rush Chairman.

SAME OLD STORY

     The consultants all told Mormon the same tale:  They had been contacted by
"Prostate," who said he was preparing to conduct a sexual orientation clinic
and needed information to pitch the idea to the chapter President and alumni.
"Prostate" had asked the consultants to prepare a detailed proposal outlining
the steps of a sexual invitation, pickup lines, and other information.

     The consultants had then been instructed to send the information by
overnight mail to a Houston address that later proved to be the home of two of
ComseX's founders.  In some instances, the caller had left a telephone number
that when called was found to be a constantly busy condom company order number.

     Mormon said "Prostate" had an intimate knowledge of the fraternity's
rituals that is known only to members.  While there is no evidence that the
chapter was penetrated by outsiders, the Omegas are "battering down their
hatches," Mormon said.

     Posing as a prospective customer is not an uncommon way to gather
competitive information, said Chris Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, who
once used the handle of Erik Bloodtest.

     "Had we not been who we are, it would be a matter of no consequence,"
Womanizer said.

     "They confirm definitely that they called some of their competitors," said
Michael Shyster, an attorney representing ComseX.  "The fact they used Omega
Sigma Delta was an error on their part, but it was the first name that popped
into their heads.  They did not infiltrate the fraternity in any way."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"LEGION OF DUDES -- INTERCOURSE WORLD TOUR" T-SHIRTS!

     Now you too can own an official Legion of Dudes T-shirt.  This is the same
shirt that sold-out rapidly at the "UltraSex" swingers conference in San
Francisco.  Join the other proud owners such as award-winning actresses Traci
Lords and Madonna by adding this collector's item to your wardrobe.  This
professionally made, 100 percent cotton shirt is printed on both front and
back.  The front displays "Legion of Dudes Intercourse World Tour" as well as a
condom on a telephone next to a little black book.  The back displays the words
"Swinging for Jesus" as well as a substantial list of "tour stops" (women's
telephone numbers) and a quote from Dr. Ruth.  This T-shirt is sold only as a
novelty item, and is in no way attempting to glorify meaningless sex.

     Shirts are only $15.00, postage included!  Overseas add an additional
$5.00. Send check or money-order (No CODs, cash or credit cards -- even if it's
really your card :-) made payable to Eric Bloodtest.
_______________________________________________________________________________

GOLFERS: THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY

     It must no longer go unremarked that many of the criminals who threaten
the foundation of our society are golfers.  Golfers persist in attacking our
personal, financial, and military security. Many golfers like the famous Spiro
Agnew, have been involved in bribery, extortion, and other forms of corruption.

     Some golfers have been know to hit out of bounds as a pretext for
trespassing in residential communities.  Such thing can easily turn into
incidents of spying and burglary.

     Other golfers will use the harmless-looking little white balls to inflict
injuries on bystanders, propelling the dangerous projectiles at speed in excess
of 120 miles per hour.  The danger of head injury is obvious.  Golfer's
careless disregard for the safety of other people hardens our children to
violence.  The idea that shouting a single, obscure word makes it all right to
bop some innocent person on the head with a hard projectile has brought our
society to the brink of savagery.

     It doesn't take a genius to see that avoidance of golf is a corner stone
of Soviet military strategy.  This gives the Soviets a tremendous advantage in
daytime warfare.  If the Soviets launch an attack at 3 pm EST on a weekday in
June, approximately 20% of American manpower will be uselessly deployed in
fairways, sandtraps, and rough.  Even those in bunkers will be in the wrong
kind of bunkers.  At 3 pm on a weekend, as much as 50 percent of our manpower
might be trying to avoid bogies rather than trying to shoot them down.

     If the forgoing attack on golfers seems unfair (and of course, the analogy
is not perfect), it is not any more so than the attack by the general press on
hackers of another kind -- computer hackers.  Some national publications have
used the term "hacker" incorrectly as a synonym for "criminal."  Hackers are
people who play with computers at a high technical level because they enjoy
doing so.  There are many, thousands, of hackers in North America.  A few
hackers use their computer skills for pranks, and fewer still use their skills
to commit crimes.  But chances are excellent that far more hackers are helping
to build defenses around database rather than trying to penetrate them.  Even
if one percent of hackers started trying to invade databases the problem would
be more serious than those sensationalized in the press.

     It wasn't being a golfer that got Spiro Agnew in trouble.  Just being a
hacker won't get you in trouble, either.  Hackers are entitled to the same
presumption of innocence as golfers and other common special interest groups.
Hackers also deserve the correct continued use of the authentic, distinctive,
and colorful name that they gave themselves.
_______________________________________________________________________________

PRIME SECURITY MEASURES FROM BELLCORE                         December 10, 1991

The December 10, 1991 issue of MacWeek contains an article which states that
two mathematicians have found a trapdoor in the National Institute of Standards
and Technology's proposed Digital Signature Standard.

Stuart Haber and Arjen Lenstra, both of Bellcore, have discovered a way of
choosing prime numbers for DSS which could be used to subvert the security of
the algorithm, allowing digital signatures to be forged.

Miles Smid, manager of NIST's Security Technology Group, agreed that trapdoor
prime numbers could be constructed.  He had been aware of this possibility but
apparently hoped to circumvent this problem by relying upon primes generated by
a trusted federal agency.

The article implies that there are ways of checking a prime to see if it is one
of the weak "trapdoor" primes.  However, Smid agrees that average users could
not be expected to perform this test.

Bellcore has developed an implementation of NIST-DSS that it had planned to
distribute for free.  With this recent revelation, though, Bellcore has decided
to not distribute the software.
_______________________________________________________________________________

VIRUS UPDATE

                       Official Notice, Post Immediately

                                    X     x
                                     X   x
                                      X x
                                       X
                                      x X
                                     x   X
                                    x     X

                               Dangerous Virus!

Several years ago a virus called the "X window system" escaped from Project
Athena at MIT where it was being held in isolation.  It took some time for the
full magnitude of this disaster to become known.  When confronted with the
truth, a spokesman for MIT would state only that "MIT assumes no
responsibility."  In the meantime, X had succeeded in infiltrating Digital
Equipment Corporation, where it corrupted the judgement of key technical and
management personnel in this organization.

With a foothold gained at DEC, a sinister consortium was created using X as
part of a plan to dominate and control interactive window systems.  Today, X
windows is distributed by this consortium free of charge to unsuspecting
victims.  DEC daily ships machines carrying this dreaded infestation.

X - whether it's filling your hard disk or consuming your CPU, you can be sure
it's up to no good.  Innocent users need to be protected from this dangerous
virus.  Even as you read this, the X source distribution and the executable
environment is present and being faithfully maintained on hundreds of
computers, perhaps even your own.

The destructive cost of X cannot even be guessed.

X is an example of how software with good intentions can go bad.  It victimizes
innocent users by distorting their perception of what is and what is not good
software.  This malignant window system must be destroyed.  Ultimately DEC and
MIT must be held accountable for this heinous *software crime*, brought to
justice, and made to pay for a *software cleanup*.  Until DEC and MIT answer to
these charges, they both should be assumed to be protecting dangerous software
criminals.

Don't be fooled! Just say no to X.

X windows.  A mistake carried out to perfection.  X windows.  Dissatisfaction
guaranteed.  X windows.  Don't get frustrated without it.  X windows.  Even
your dog won't like it.  X windows.  Flaky and built to stay that way.  X
windows.  Complex nonsolutions to simple nonproblems.  X windows.  Flawed
beyond belief.  X windows.  Form follows malfunction.  X windows.  Garbage at
your fingertips.  X windows.  ignorance is our most important resource.  X
windows.  It could be worse, but it'll take time.  X windows.  It could happen
to you.  X windows.  Japan's secret weapon.  X windows.  Let it get in *your*
way.  X windows.  Live the nightmare.  X windows.  More than enough rope.  X
windows.  Never had it, never will.  X windows.  No hardware is safe.  X
windows.  Power tools for power fools.  X windows.  Power tools for power
losers.  X windows.  Putting new limits on productivity.  X windows.
Simplicity made complex.  X windows. The cutting edge of obsolescence.  X
windows.  The art of incompetence.  X windows.  The defacto substandard.  X
windows.  The first fully modular software disaster.  X windows.  The joke that
kills.  X windows.  The problem for your problem.  X windows.  There's got to
be a better way.  X windows.  Warn your friends about it.  X windows.  You'd
better sit down.  X windows.  You'll envy the dead.
_______________________________________________________________________________

THE FUTURE OF SUPERCOMPUTING

"Wow.  Teraflops.  You must be kidding."

"No.  Our engineers pulled off magic on this one.  I don't have the specifics
right now but they claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU."

"Fantastic.  So how about i/o?"

"They worked some magic there, too.  They claim they can jack an external
interface up into the hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability.
Loopback only, of course.  They're having problems finding anything that can
match it to run tests."

"Great.  Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the balls on this one.  Do you
realize that we may have the fastest computer line for the next decade, even if
we don't change anything?  This is excellent news.  Do we have a test sight
selected yet?"

"Actually, we have an installed site right now.  They love the performance and
the reliability. They only have one minor complaint about the hardware."

"Really. What seems to be the problem?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blade UNIX v2 (bu2.scso.umi.edu)

   For help, send email to consult@scso.umi.edu

login: jux6710a
Password:

Hello, jux6710a!
Last login from hedgehog.scso.umi.edu at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991
You have new mail.

bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail
Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990  Type ? for help.
"/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new
 U  1 joey@sdsc.utexas.edu Mon Aug 26 17:18   64/3904   You dork!
>N  1 machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18   16/667   It is your time.
& 2
Message  2:
>From machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991
Return-Path: <machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
Received: by bu2.scso.umi.edu (4.1/SCSO-4.1)
        id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT
From: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu (The Machine)
Message-Id: <9109280118.AA00359@bu2.scso.umi.edu>
To: jux6710a@bu2.scso.umi.edu (Ulrich Jenson)
Subject: It is your time.
Status: R

Dear Ulrich.

This is the machine.  As you are aware, extraordinary hardware demands
extraordinary care.

You have the honor of being selected for this month's human sacrifice.  Please
put your affairs in order.  The time of the sacrifice will be Fri Sep 13 00:00
1991. Please be prompt.  Wear loose, comfortable clothing.

Do not disappoint me.

& x
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice
offer (2)               - notify the system of a sacrifice
offering (8)            - send a sacrifice to the hardware god
bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering


OFFERING(8)           MAINTENANCE COMMANDS            OFFERING(8)


NAME
     offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU

SYNOPSIS
     /usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ]

DESCRIPTION
     offering informs the system that a  sacrifice  is  available
     and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a
     conscious victim should be placed in the  provided  sacrifi-
     cial  wiring  closet at midnight during the second Friday of
     each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will  result
     in  degraded  performance.  Repeated failures to provide the
     required resource will eventually result in a general system
     failure of hellish proportions.

     Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is  of  higher
     quality.  For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices
     in their order of increasing desirability:

          a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male  (tainted),
          human  male  (virgin),  human  female  (tainted), human
          female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota

     Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check  with  your
     site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified
     in anyway.

OPTIONS
     -v   Specify that the sacrifice  is  a  virgin.  Default  is
          tainted.  If  you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged
          as a virgin, you must specify with this option  or  the
          system will not check.

     -m   Specify that  the  sacrifice  is  a  male.  Default  is
          female.  Unlike  the  -v option, the system will always
          verify this flag. Always double  check  the  gender  of
          your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a
          lier.

     -a   Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v  and
          -m options. Animals should only be substituted in times
          of  drastic  emergency.  Congresspersons  may  not   be
          offered as animals.

FILES
     /var/adm/sctmp      sacrifice accounting file
     /dev/hell           interface for outgoing sacrifices
     /dev/altar          interface to closet

SEE ALSO
     offer(2), ac(8)

BUGS
     It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They
     should be root writable only at all times.

     Should automagicly determine gender  and  virgin  status  of
     sacrifice.

     Current versions of  the  sacrificial  wiring  closet  needs
     extra sound shielding to muffle screams.


bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation
_______________________________________________________________________________

LORD McDUFF OF NIA FOUND DEAD

     A sad situation fell upon us at HoHoCon '91 as we found Lord McDuff
of NIA dead in his room.  It appears after several negative confrontations with
the strippers.  He had given them them money in hopes that they would squirm
all over him, but instead they chose just to refund his money.

     McDuff fell in a deep depression and apparently shot himself in the head
with a flying disc gun.  After speaking to several people at the scene we quote
Judge Dredd of NIA, "I knew something like this would happen.  He carried that
damn gun with him all during the conference.  I knew I should have taken it
away from him."
_______________________________________________________________________________


